My Journey
I started writing My Journey almost two years ago, when I realised that I was in for a longer journey than I had anticipated.
When I was 18 I remember talking to a good friend and she asked me if I was worried about battling to fall pregnant when I was ready to have children. I thought about it and automatically responded "yes". Which was strange because in my head I wasn’t really but in my heart I clearly was.
Less than 10 years later there I was, my heart over-powering my head. I was battling to fall pregnant and facing the major reality of infertility. I honestly have never felt that alone and scared in my entire life.
I am by nature a control freak, over achiever and I work hard to get what I want. Here I was, facing this “beast” that I had no idea how to tackle, how to reach the end goal and how to get what I wanted more than anything. I am generally quite personal, I prefer not to share personal information and problems unless I really have too. So this really took me out of my comfort zone… I had to eventually start sharing what I was going through because it was not a “quick fix” like I had hoped.
This is why I started writing, I needed some way to express what I was going through and honestly speaking it was incredibly lonely, and this was a lot of my own doing. For some reason infertility is often seen as a "problem", something to be ashamed of. I know I saw it this way and I felt like a complete failure as here was this one thing in my life I had absolutely no control of. It took me a really long time to cope, never mind deal with it or be at peace with it... but just cope. But I did later realise how ridiculous this was and that it actually all was ok and I was not a failure. This was part of my "cards" for a reason. I also realised it would eventually all work out and even though at that very moment I couldn't get what I had been working so hard for, I would eventually - and it has done exactly that, worked out perfectly. I never gave up hope!
I promised myself that when I fell pregnant I would share my story. It was one hell of a journey, a soul destroying one at that... but I made it - we made it! So I truly hope that by sharing this I will bring about hope, faith and a little understanding to those that have no idea (and I pray you never need to) just how challenging (putting it lightly) infertility is. I have also shared my next exciting chapter of becoming a mother with you… lets see what My Journey holds.
When I was 18 I remember talking to a good friend and she asked me if I was worried about battling to fall pregnant when I was ready to have children. I thought about it and automatically responded "yes". Which was strange because in my head I wasn’t really but in my heart I clearly was.
Less than 10 years later there I was, my heart over-powering my head. I was battling to fall pregnant and facing the major reality of infertility. I honestly have never felt that alone and scared in my entire life.
I am by nature a control freak, over achiever and I work hard to get what I want. Here I was, facing this “beast” that I had no idea how to tackle, how to reach the end goal and how to get what I wanted more than anything. I am generally quite personal, I prefer not to share personal information and problems unless I really have too. So this really took me out of my comfort zone… I had to eventually start sharing what I was going through because it was not a “quick fix” like I had hoped.
This is why I started writing, I needed some way to express what I was going through and honestly speaking it was incredibly lonely, and this was a lot of my own doing. For some reason infertility is often seen as a "problem", something to be ashamed of. I know I saw it this way and I felt like a complete failure as here was this one thing in my life I had absolutely no control of. It took me a really long time to cope, never mind deal with it or be at peace with it... but just cope. But I did later realise how ridiculous this was and that it actually all was ok and I was not a failure. This was part of my "cards" for a reason. I also realised it would eventually all work out and even though at that very moment I couldn't get what I had been working so hard for, I would eventually - and it has done exactly that, worked out perfectly. I never gave up hope!
I promised myself that when I fell pregnant I would share my story. It was one hell of a journey, a soul destroying one at that... but I made it - we made it! So I truly hope that by sharing this I will bring about hope, faith and a little understanding to those that have no idea (and I pray you never need to) just how challenging (putting it lightly) infertility is. I have also shared my next exciting chapter of becoming a mother with you… lets see what My Journey holds.
To contact me email me: [email protected]