6 March 2017
So the last 2 weeks have been really tough. I thought I had dealt with last year and I was ready to take this year head on… turns out those wounds can reveal themselves whenever I become a little vulnerable. All the heart ache and emotions really hit me hard. I had a panic attack just over a week ago and it has just taken me 10 steps back. I then had a mini melt down in a Crossfit class (she says with major embarrassment) – that’s when I realised I’m not ok. My coach corrected me on something and it triggered me so badly, I lost it and the entire session I fought to hold back tears until I climbed into my car and sobbed the whole way home. For no good reason really. Other than I simply was not coping.
So I decided it’s time to get help and I decided to go see my psychologist which really has helped! I even considered going to see a psychiatrist because I was so desperate to get rid of this pain and hurt! I wanted it gone! But I realise I need to be a little kinder to myself, I need to realise its ok to hurt and cry sometimes and not always be “that strong woman”. So I am just trying to work through these feelings.
I have realised on this journey, people around you often have no idea what you are going through, and I am SO glad about that as I never ever wish this upon anyone, but boy do they try be there to support you which is actually just so incredible. I have also realised I need to sometimes also lean on them a little more, when they reach out I need to actually grab their hand, rather than constantly say “I'm fine”, when I really am not.
We have our next appointment with Dr. C in just over 2 weeks. He sent us for a few bloods just to be 100% sure there aren't any other hidden gremlins we are dealing with before we proceed with our treatment plan. This right here is the difference. Be 110% sure before treatment.
So I decided it’s time to get help and I decided to go see my psychologist which really has helped! I even considered going to see a psychiatrist because I was so desperate to get rid of this pain and hurt! I wanted it gone! But I realise I need to be a little kinder to myself, I need to realise its ok to hurt and cry sometimes and not always be “that strong woman”. So I am just trying to work through these feelings.
I have realised on this journey, people around you often have no idea what you are going through, and I am SO glad about that as I never ever wish this upon anyone, but boy do they try be there to support you which is actually just so incredible. I have also realised I need to sometimes also lean on them a little more, when they reach out I need to actually grab their hand, rather than constantly say “I'm fine”, when I really am not.
We have our next appointment with Dr. C in just over 2 weeks. He sent us for a few bloods just to be 100% sure there aren't any other hidden gremlins we are dealing with before we proceed with our treatment plan. This right here is the difference. Be 110% sure before treatment.