26 July 2017, Wednesday
I'm now a little over half way an well menopause is rather interesting, to say the least! The hot flushes have been, honestly speaking awful! At first they were ok, manageable. The moods... not so much! With time the hot flushes have gotten worse and my tolerance level is depleting... quickly!
Last week I was at a conference and in the middle of one of the guest speakers I had to sneak off to the bathroom, lock myself in a cubicle, take my top off and try cool down LOL
I have found myself in meetings, it being 8 degrees outside (its the middle of winter) and I literally strip down to a vest with a bright red face, sweating and everyone looks at me like I am completely mad, I feel mad! Someone at work the other day commented "surely you too young for that!" HA HA if only you knew I thought to myself.
So yes while I was rather confident about the hot flushes my words were "bring it on" if I remember correctly - Well enough now. I'm ready for "normality" ha ha. I have also been an absolute cow. Snappy. Moody. Arrrrrg. What can I say. It was all very entertaining at first but as you can see I have lost my sense of humour.
I haven't actually written much during my menopause phase because it really has felt like an odd phase of this journey. Yes physically but I mean more mentally and emotionally. I feel like I am completely in limbo - I want to almost pack up and go on a 2 week overseas trip or get a massive tattoo or just something exciting... but I cant. I just want to do SOMETHING! Not sure how to explain it. But I have to keep my head in the game and never mind wanting to but also because of what is financially going towards this process. It really is an investment.
So yeah we pretty much over this waiting game now honestly speaking. We have literally wished the first 7 months of this year away and going into August and we do the transfer, I can do nothing but pray for the happy ending of this journey and an incredible start to another.
I see Dr. C on Friday for a scan and a endometrial scratch (scrape). I have been on antibiotics for almost 2 weeks just to clear any bacterial infections, which has been a blessing off the end of 2 weeks of me having terrible flu. Felt like a sign from my body saying I am exhausted!
Then I'm off this weekend for a girls weekend, I see it almost as a last shindig before babas. So really excited! I think its exactly what the soul needs. I also need to try keep busy for the next 4 weeks to pass time... tick tock!
Needless to say all that weight I had planned on loosing somehow has battled loosing me LOL but I have made peace with it. Yes for now I am rounder than I would like but I am happy to give up my body. After baba I can focus on me again and get into shape which I would imagine would be a little easier running around after little ones, well that's what I am telling myself anyway.
Last week I was at a conference and in the middle of one of the guest speakers I had to sneak off to the bathroom, lock myself in a cubicle, take my top off and try cool down LOL
I have found myself in meetings, it being 8 degrees outside (its the middle of winter) and I literally strip down to a vest with a bright red face, sweating and everyone looks at me like I am completely mad, I feel mad! Someone at work the other day commented "surely you too young for that!" HA HA if only you knew I thought to myself.
So yes while I was rather confident about the hot flushes my words were "bring it on" if I remember correctly - Well enough now. I'm ready for "normality" ha ha. I have also been an absolute cow. Snappy. Moody. Arrrrrg. What can I say. It was all very entertaining at first but as you can see I have lost my sense of humour.
I haven't actually written much during my menopause phase because it really has felt like an odd phase of this journey. Yes physically but I mean more mentally and emotionally. I feel like I am completely in limbo - I want to almost pack up and go on a 2 week overseas trip or get a massive tattoo or just something exciting... but I cant. I just want to do SOMETHING! Not sure how to explain it. But I have to keep my head in the game and never mind wanting to but also because of what is financially going towards this process. It really is an investment.
So yeah we pretty much over this waiting game now honestly speaking. We have literally wished the first 7 months of this year away and going into August and we do the transfer, I can do nothing but pray for the happy ending of this journey and an incredible start to another.
I see Dr. C on Friday for a scan and a endometrial scratch (scrape). I have been on antibiotics for almost 2 weeks just to clear any bacterial infections, which has been a blessing off the end of 2 weeks of me having terrible flu. Felt like a sign from my body saying I am exhausted!
Then I'm off this weekend for a girls weekend, I see it almost as a last shindig before babas. So really excited! I think its exactly what the soul needs. I also need to try keep busy for the next 4 weeks to pass time... tick tock!
Needless to say all that weight I had planned on loosing somehow has battled loosing me LOL but I have made peace with it. Yes for now I am rounder than I would like but I am happy to give up my body. After baba I can focus on me again and get into shape which I would imagine would be a little easier running around after little ones, well that's what I am telling myself anyway.
These memes sum up my last few weeks absolutely perfectly :)
6 August 2017, The waiting game is almost over
So I had an awesome weekend last weekend with the girls... was just what the doctor ordered! When I went to see Dr.C last week Friday for my scrape and scan he chatted to me about whether I wanted to use 1 or 2 of our embryos. I explained with confidence "two!".
I really had thought about it long and hard for the last 3 months and I I seriously can not face this entire process again to have a second child so it seemed like the obvious choice to try and go all in and have twins. I feel like we have come to far to start "playing it safe".
But Dr.C looked at me and shook his head and said "No Carmen". Gosh! my heart sank and I asked why. He explained the two main reasons:
So it took me a little while to absorb all this as I was set on 2. I knew in my heart that this man sitting in front of me was there for a reason and I had to trust in him. He had gotten me this far. So I put all my faith in him, went against what I wanted and 1 embryo it was. What was a relief is that he explained baby 2 would be much easier as what I have gone through has back tracked my condition - adenomysis and my body would have bared a baby so it would be a more natural progression. Which I was relieved about!
So now I'm on Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT) meds to take me out of menopause - YAY! First 2/3 days on the meds I was not a happy chappy but after that I am felt good. Hot flushes are less and less and almost gone *happy dance*. Hubby and I both had to take antibiotics to kill bacteria in the body. We getting closer now... 2 weeks tomorrow. Feels kind of surreal to be honest. That's what we have been waiting and working so hard for this entire year and its only 2 weeks away. Cant really explain how I feel.
But for now I need to eat clean, pump my body with good stuff - having a green juice every day, went for a colon cleanse last week (so funny) and will prob do one more this week, taking tons of probiotics and just trying to crossfit while I can, but at the same time not push to hard.
I really had thought about it long and hard for the last 3 months and I I seriously can not face this entire process again to have a second child so it seemed like the obvious choice to try and go all in and have twins. I feel like we have come to far to start "playing it safe".
But Dr.C looked at me and shook his head and said "No Carmen". Gosh! my heart sank and I asked why. He explained the two main reasons:
- If we go "all in" we don't have a back up plan and we have come to far to not have one and to go through this entire process again. Fair enough.
- Because I don't have a "healthy" uterus we have no idea how my body will carry 1 baby never mind 2. His biggest concern is premature labor at around 20-23 weeks. He was very honest and said the chances of baby surviving this is incredibly slim and if I thought I had gone through a lot to get to where we are today... loosing a child is something I will never recover from.
So it took me a little while to absorb all this as I was set on 2. I knew in my heart that this man sitting in front of me was there for a reason and I had to trust in him. He had gotten me this far. So I put all my faith in him, went against what I wanted and 1 embryo it was. What was a relief is that he explained baby 2 would be much easier as what I have gone through has back tracked my condition - adenomysis and my body would have bared a baby so it would be a more natural progression. Which I was relieved about!
So now I'm on Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT) meds to take me out of menopause - YAY! First 2/3 days on the meds I was not a happy chappy but after that I am felt good. Hot flushes are less and less and almost gone *happy dance*. Hubby and I both had to take antibiotics to kill bacteria in the body. We getting closer now... 2 weeks tomorrow. Feels kind of surreal to be honest. That's what we have been waiting and working so hard for this entire year and its only 2 weeks away. Cant really explain how I feel.
But for now I need to eat clean, pump my body with good stuff - having a green juice every day, went for a colon cleanse last week (so funny) and will prob do one more this week, taking tons of probiotics and just trying to crossfit while I can, but at the same time not push to hard.